Connie's 15 Things
by QuestionablyInsane
Summary: Connie Beauchamp: Cardiothoracic Consultant, ball-breaker and used-to-be maneater. A thoughtful insight into the mind of our favourite 'Ice Queen' and some of her unseen memories. Slight Connie/Michael mentions and some Connie/Sam.


Hello. I had an urge to publish some sort of Holby City fanfiction seeing as I seem to write so much and never get round to posting it. It's a one-parter, about our favourite Cardiothoracic Consultant and (used-to-be) maneater. I wrote this a year ago almost, so some of it may be a little out of date/ inconsistent with current storylines. Here's to hoping you enjoy it and review...but if not I'd love to hear constructive critisism :)

Gymnasticstar

15 things you didn't know about Connie Beauchamp.

**1)** As a child…she wanted to be tall, famous, blonde and powerful. They were the people who got far in life and they were the people who were never intimidated or bullied as adults. She admired those people. There was always certain determination in the fact that one day….Connie Beauchamp would achieve those desired goals.

**2)** 30 years later and 1 out of 4 isn't good. She's not tall, she's definitely not blonde and she's not famous…but she's got the power she always wanted. It might not be quite the same thing as ruling a country but her power gives her control over everything and everyone in the hospital. And for now…that will have to do.

**3)** She wanted to be an actress just like every other little girl. She could sing well and everyone said she was a perfect little drama queen. Being famous would have been a dream come true, especially when you think of all that power. Yet something disheartened her….something or someone told her that those dreams were superficial, fake and that they'd never be achieved. Going into medicine helped her to prove those people wrong…she'd made it to the top…yet she knew that once she was there….the only option was to come back down again.

**4)** She loves pink. It's a girly colour without a doubt….but it's always been her favourite. As a small child she wore it and decorated her room in it…but as she grew up she realised it made her vulnerable. A weak colour….girly and pathetic….it would stop her from getting places in life. If she wanted to make it in a man's world then she had to toughen up. She stopped saying she liked pink, she stopped wearing it and her room became blue. It was generic and slightly more masculine, a perfect colour to indicate the cool, composed person she dreamt of becoming. To this day pink is still her colour of choice but no-one will ever know that. She'll never tell anybody….its been banned from her home, from her closet and she holds her head high. Yet, if you were ever to look at the picture in the frame above her desk….in the right light….it is pink. It's there to remind her that no matter how hard she tries to deny it; pink will always be her favourite.

**5)** Her early memories mostly consisted of her being looked after by the kind, elderly lady down the road from where she lived. She spent most days, week-ends and holidays with her…more time was spent there than with her parents. To rub salt into old wounds, the first word Connie had ever said had not been to her parents, it had been to her care-giver and the person who spent the most time with her. That word had been 'mummy'.

**6)** As a child she always wanted to travel the world and see how other people live. She's done that a lot; she travelled for work and for business but never for pleasure. She's been to just about every continent on earth…but she can never say she's met a native or seen the sights. She sees everything…through the imaginary bars of her career.

**7)** She got straight A's one year in Junior School and ran home proudly as fast as she could to tell her parents. Her dad was drunkenly asleep in front of the TV because, of course, he couldn't care less. When she told her mum all she got was an absent-minded smile, "That's great darling….have you seen my pen?"

To no surprise, Connie failed her maths test the next day.

**8)** The first time she woke up drunk after the staff party…at her old hospital when she was young and naïve, it was alone. A close, female, colleague slept soundly on the sofa and she knew at that moment that she was safe.

However at the next staff party she woke up at a random house, next to someone she vaguely recognised as a male doctor. She knew from that point on…that the only person she could rely on was herself.

**9)** She knows she's nicknamed the 'Ice Queen' or 'Cruella De Beauchamp' yet she doesn't mind it. She's been called worse names….from strangers in the street or people at work. She wishes people would tell it to her face but they never would, they're too scared of her. She's alienated herself from them…and that's what angers her the most.

**10)** Designer clothes mean nothing to her. She'd be perfectly happy in a pair of slacks and a cardigan from the nearest high street store if that was possible. However, everything in her life was about image. Her expensive clothes outlined her personality, her demands, and the way she ran her life. Everything had to look perfect on the outside….perfect car, perfect hair, perfect house, perfect family….even if on the inside, everything was crumbling.

**11)** She loves curry. Hot, spicy and can burn your tongue like acid. It reminds her of the person she wanted to be. She wanted to have that hot, sexy appeal, with the acid-tongue remarks that could reduce even the toughest of guys into tears.

**12)** She had loved Michael more than she loved herself at one point. That's why she did what she did. She had to…for both of them. It had never been an act of malice or control. It had been self-sacrifice, as once again Connie Beauchamp had given up what she truly loved to help somebody else get their happy ever after.

**13)** Sam Strachan was never a mistake. She had intended to use him but it killed her to pretend she didn't care for him. It was obvious…at least to her…that behind the cold exterior she put on for him, was a scared woman, afraid of showing her emotions for fear of rejection and humiliation. One thing Connie couldn't handle was uncertainty and the terrifying thought of loosing utter control over somebody.

**14)** She gave up on love at an early age. Love was superficial; it was a curtain behind which bad things would always happen. If anyone was blind enough to fall in love…it was never guaranteed to last. Connie had always needed certainty in everything she did and if love wasn't going to have a specific and direct outcome, then she wasn't going to fall for it.

**15)** She's always said 'Me Too' or 'Same' throughout her whole life. She says it when she means it and she says it when it's easier to lie than to tell the truth. The fact is Connie has only ever said 'I Love You' once. And that one time…she truly meant it.

Please review and comment :) Constructive critisism is greatly appreciated.


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